The journey of self-improvement and success can be hard to figure and contradictory at times. There are many philosophies about how to approach the process of individual growth. One way to look at it is through the lens of focusing on and using what is useful for you. As overly obvious as this sounds it is a key component to how a person can grow and how much. In placing focus on what is helpful for you there are a number of ways we can define what can be accepted as helpful. For instance, I can decide that allowing myself to make mistakes is perfectly ok if I use them to help me improve. On the other hand, I can agree with myself that negative self-talk and/or closed-minded thinking is not allowed since it violates helpful. Creating a list of firm guidelines makes up a personal contract that can be put in place, and even physically drafted and signed for necessary accountability’s sake. Of course, doing this means one must buy in and stay committed to the contract that is made. I typically will put certain deterrents or consequences in place as well to keep me on track. These deterrents can be as small as committing to a certain amount of exercise reps, sets or time, and adding on to that as necessary if the goal is not met. I also do-little things like adding one more rep when I am doing sit ups, pull ups or push-ups to remember what I have been given in life. Doing this reminds me during the exercise that the pain I am experiencing is in fact a privilege and not a real issue. This helps to give the reality check I often need. The strategies and applications that can be used are endless. The point here is to only use what is helpful. 

I enjoy creating new strategies for myself even if they are mostly fun and less intense or harsh. These strategies are important to have for any part of my life I may tend to struggle in. For example, I have always had a hard time being patient in traffic. I have found that with my lack of patience is also a lack of understanding for what is going on in people’s lives that make them act and drive the way they do. Several years ago, I had to commute a couple hours (one way) in peak traffic 4 days a week at the peak rush hour times daily. The first couple of months were miserable. I finally reached a point that I knew I had to try something to help change the experience I was having, or I would end up being “that guy”. I decided to start inventing storylines for other drivers’ lives as a way to give them compassion and value as human beings just trying to get through life as I am. Examples of these storylines were, a driver finding out their loved one has cancer, or died. Maybe someone going through a divorce or struggling with addiction and the list goes on. Doing this made me realize that I will never have even a little context as to why others and myself react the way we do sometimes. This led me to be less judgmental and instead have more compassion with other drivers. Next, I started to leave a large gap between me and the vehicle in front of me. Sometimes this gap could be 8 vehicles long. My reason was to relieve how close I was following other drivers. I made sure this gap was even bigger as I passed the on and off ramps to give merging drivers room to do their thing. An interesting thing happened when I did this. I assumed that the gap I had created would fill in like sand in an hourglass. However, something different and quite interesting happened. While there were vehicles that used this gap, rarely did anyone move into it without moving out of it rather quickly, which meant the gap basically remained as long as I didn’t shorten it. I was shocked this was the case the entire year I did this. I found that this gap worked for what I had intended it for. 1. It served to lower my stress and give me something meaningful to do while driving. 2. It gave other drivers an option. 3. It taught me that if I want something to change, I have to be that change. This new way of commuting served me well in learning how far I must go when I am missing the mark in an area of my life. It is vital that I learn ways to be positive and productive in any situation. I have proven to myself time and again that where there is a willingness in me, there is a way to move forward. We can train ourselves to do anything we want. However, I also think our forward progress must come out of a belief in our value as unique individuals and what that value means for others if we are willing to express it.